How to say it with flowers

by Margot Carmichael Lester

Florists tell you to “Say it with flowers,” but since each little bud and sprig has a meaning, how do you know what you’re saying, exactly?

“There is no such thing as a wrong flower,” says Linda Peha, a floral designer at Crissey Flowers in Seattle, “as long as it’s given as an honest reflection of your sentiments.” Why? According to a behavioral research conducted at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey, flowers trigger happy emotions, increase feelings of life satisfaction and improve social behavior.

“Roses and tulips are the most popular flowers,” says Peha, who frequently gives advice to suitors wanting to send the right message with gifts from the garden. But men wanting to make an impression go for something a little more exotic, she notes: “Tropical flowers, like stargazer lilies, are more unique.”

Consider Talbot, 40, of Missoula, who wanted to stand out from the crowd — so the day before he met Rae, 42, he sent a small arrangement of orchids. “I was floored,” says Rae. “They were so gorgeous — I couldn’t wait to meet a guy with that kind of good taste and originality.”

First date
A wrapped mixed bouquet or a single rose, but not a red rose, because it signifies a declaration of love that might be premature. “When Brantley showed up for our first date, he brought the sweetest nosegay of flowers,” recalls Douglas, 29, of Los Angeles. “It wasn’t too over the top — it sent the right message.”

The morning after that date
Sweet peas, which say, “Thanks for a lovely time.”

For an apology
Again, the perfect choice? Roses. “It’s hard to stay mad at a guy who sends hothouse roses,” says Bettina, 41, of Baton Rouge, FL. “Unless he really messes up. Flowers don’t negate bad behavior, but they sure do help.”

Out-of-town trips
Forget-me-nots (the name says it all), or rosemary for remembrance. Bonus tip: If she’s getting on a plane or taking a long car trip, make sure you choose hardy, small arrangements.

When you’re getting serious...
Either a bouquet of red roses or her favorite flowers. “I’d been dating Serena for a couple of months and wanted to start seeing her exclusively,” recalls Peter, 37. “I brought a bouquet of her favorite — daffodils — to our dinner. It set the tone that something special was happening.”

First time having her over at your place
Wisteria or a pineapple — which signify a welcoming home.

When you’re “popping the question”
Roses are the most frequently offered bloom to go with the ring, but feel free to make a more personal choice. “Chuck gives me roses a lot, so when he proposed, he brought along a hand-picked bouquet of wildflowers,” recalls Suzette, 33, of Des Moines, IA.

“Get well” occasions
A cheery grouping of yarrow (for healing) and pear blossoms (for health) should suffice. Bonus tip: If she’s hospitalized, check the ward policy before sending an arrangement.

Birthdays
A mix of bright “cutting glowers” (daisies, stock, iris, alstromeria) in a vase, or a big bouquet of her favorites. “Nothing beats a great huge bundle of cheery, brightly colored and fragrant flowers,” says Emma, 22. “Especially if he sends them to the office so my coworkers can fawn over them.”