Singles Scene Monthly Column

Nine Ways To Be Smitten in September! Sep 15 The Singles Scene Column -- September 2011 By Kelly Leary, M.S. V.P. & Director of Precision Dating JUPITER, Florida (YN) - Whether you're actively searching, happily taken, or have just started dating someone, a new season is the perfect time to take a look at your love life and make sure you're doing everything in your power to create good vibes. 1. Be interesting to your love interest. Even if you've known each other for some time, approach each interaction as if you have just met. No matter how long you've been together, you can't possibly know everything, right? Ask questions to spark new conversations. (If you need help, "The If Book: Questions for the Game of Love" by Evelyn McFarlane is a great start.) A little mystery is sexy, but uncovering the mystery is even sexier. 2. Technology warning! Just because you can connect to the Internet from anywhere these days doesn't mean you should. Be responsible with your usage, whether it's Facebook, Twitter, or texting. You need to engage the person you are with. If you are constantly looking down at your phone, texting or browsing Facebook, your date will see it as a lack of interest. Put your ringer on silent and remember that what's most important is what's right in front of you. 3. Surround yourself with happy people. Choose to interact with positive people who look on the bright side, and to walk away from negative situations that are out of your control. Be careful of people that are going through break ups of their own, as negativity begets negativity. 4. Don't lose yourself in chick flicks and TV shows. They aren't real! Movies tell us that there is one perfect person out there for everyone, and once you find him or her everything falls into place. It's fun to watch, but to adopt that belief yourself is unrealistic. Mr. or Mrs. Perfect does not exist. Compare the search for your future mate to buying a new house. You know what you want: two story, second floor balcony, hardwood floors, screened-in pool, etc. But you could look forever and never find the exact house of your dreams; and you'll pass up ten great houses in the meantime! I'm not saying to settle. Definitely keep the vision of what you want in the front of your mind, but also remember that gifts of destiny don't always come in the packaging we imagine. 5. Try not to lie. Ever. Not to your partner, and not to yourself. One tiny white lie leads to another and creates a snowball effect, and before you know it you can't keep your lies straight and find yourself under a lot of stress. Your negative energy will certainly come across to others and create even more drama. The truth will set you free! 6. Know and love your differences. No two people are 100% alike, and how boring would the world be if they were? Accept and embrace the differences you have. I am always impressed when a new client says to me, "I love to play golf, and it'd be great to meet a lady who does also. However, if she doesn't, that's perfectly alright, as long as she doesn't mind me playing." Give your partner the freedom to pursue his passions and he'll appreciate you all the more for it. 7. Know your deal breakers and be honest about them right up front. If she says she isn't looking for marriage or doesn't want kids and you do...go. If he smokes or drinks too much, doesn't respect your religion or like your mother...go. It's not worth putting time and effort into someone whose goals and values don't align with yours. There are some situations you should just walk away from quickly--the sooner the better. Next! 8. Keep the past in the past. Studies show that people who live in the here and now are happier and healthier. Ruminating on the past can cause depression, and obsessing about a future you can't control only leads to anxiety. Live in the present and trust that your life is unfolding exactly as it should. 9. Try to go after the right type of person from the get go. By doing so, you will increase the odds of maintaining affection in your relationship. You can't fit a square peg in a round hole. Getting into a relationship with someone who doesn't meet your most important standards because you think you can change him is a recipe for disaster. The right person will accept you exactly as you are. He or she will not only love you to pieces, but will love ALL your pieces. Stay focused on the things that bring you joy and keep you happy, and a love-filled relationship will follow suit! Kelly Leary has 20 years in the dating industry and a master's degree in psychology. As the director of Precision Dating -- the most exclusive relationship club in Florida -- she has been featured on the ABC News, Talk Radio, Palm Beach Post and Vero Beach 32963 Magazine. All members of this club are prescreened first. Member photos are taken by trained photographers. All members are background checked. This is not online dating. In addition to making singles "UN-single" through their exclusive membership and matchmaking service, Precision Dating holds private speed dating parties and will be introducing weekend getaways and dating workshops soon. The next event is around the corner...and selling out fast!